Well... 1/14/08

[Snow™]

Dear Peoplez,
I suppose today was okay. Not the best day of my life, but then again, that has come and went, quicker than I wished. I started to think about Meghan, my cousin who passed away a while back. She was my best friend, which was... amazing. She was the one I told all my secrets to- and her to me, the same. She um, she got really sick, and went into a coma. She was basically dead, inside though. So they took her off life support. That year, that she passed, was one of the worst years of my life. I believe that it was way back in like. My 7th grade year. I'm a freshman in highschool, now, so I should be over it, but I can't let it go. Too painfull, you know?
Herman, a friend of mine, goes, What's wrong, and I have to say Nothing, because I don't feel like explaining it to him and missing my bus. He asks if I'm sure, and I say, slightly agitated, now, I'll be fine eventually. Keep in mind that I like him. Rawr.
Then, I get to the bus area, and I stand with Nathan, and his homosexual friends, waiting for my bus. He sees me all upset, which isn't anything new for him, so he doesn't really try to cheer me up. He knows I slip in and out of moods. (Might be bipolar, actually). Anyways. I'm standing there, avoiding Jesse's hateful glare. See- he asked me out, and I said no. Number one; He's a dirty little perv. Number two; Gerbil {Jacob} and Dominique hate him. I trust Gerbil's opinions of people- he tends to be right.
Anyways.
Yeah.
Coming back from lunch was the highlight of my day. Tennis class, as well. Me and Stefanie, my best friend, were talking like dudes. My name was Oscar. I had boobs. :] Anyways.
Coming back from lunch, I jump into this intersection of hallways and yell; WHO'S SELLING CHOCOLATE?!
Corey, this guy I barely know that's in my physics class, is like WTF. And we launch into some random subjects. I end up kicking him, he shoves me.
We flirt. I feel bad, cause he's an ass to Stefanie. But whatever. It's not like he likes me. And I have no feelings for him. Whatsoever.
Anyways.
To top it all off, Isaac, my best guy friend, thinks I might be pregnant, due to a myspace typo. I was asking for pregnancy tests, for my friends, and he asks me what it's all about. I type back to him:
"OMGXDLOL.
First thing you've said to me in a while.
It's for me.
Don't freak out."
What I MEANT to say was It's not for me.
See? I'm stupeed.
PEED.
STUP- EED.
-slaps self- Anyways. I'm pretty sure he never wants to talk to me again.
And today, I found out, via Dominique, my ex boyfriend DID cheat on me. Dirty little bastard. So I deleted him from my myspace friends list. For the second time. He adds me again, and I'll chew his ass out, up and down and- wow this sounds wrong.
Ugh. See- I loved him. You might say this isn't so- that I'm just a teenage bitch that thinks I'm always right.
Maybe. But what I felt was more than a crush. Believe me.
And, because of him, I regret my first kiss. I'm just glad he didn't ask for more- cause I probably would have done it. With him. Omg. I sound so whorey. I'm not- I promise.
I just really really liked him. But I got over him.
Today. When I found all that out. But yeah. Love isn't that great. =/
Question of the day:
Question: Is love worth it?
My Answer: Only if it's mutual. Otherwise, forget it, and him/her.
[[feel free to answer. XDD]]

[bruno]

I agree, if the love isn't mutual, screw it.

[Kota]

You haven't experienced love. You've experienced mental gratification. Trust me- I'm 18 and I've been with enough people to know what 'love' is. You could call me a slut without the sex, and I'd totally agree. It can't be something that... Builds over a short period of time. It's (normally) something that lasts more than the second year- you don't feel love until you reach stages that you- hopefully- haven't done yet. Lyke your dirty horses xDDD. Because love isn't something that comes naturally. Real love is selfish-ness, but at the same time a saint. It turns people into monsters for their own needs, but widens your perspective of others around even, if not just your partner. Real love is a mixture of mental and physical gratification. But most importantly- it's respect for that person. To protect and to comfort. To know, understand and forgive even if it hurts. Not with everything- there are things, like cheating in this case, that cannot be forgiven. True love is knowing that you'd pass every guy, never tempted never cheat. No regrets. Never get bored. You don't know straight away.

But I'm not saying you haven't felt any of this- I am simply going off of what you've posted.

But you have to be careful- you REALLY need to think. Do you want to do it for him (the dirty), or just because the moment comes and you get carried away or just for your own personal satisfaction. 9 times out of 10, teenagers idea of love- through MY own personal experience- has been advanced crushes. You like them for their looks, comments, or anything that may satisfy your needs. You 'love' them because you match well. Because he knows how to treat you well. You love them because they touch you right. But if they make that one mistake, they're gone, you lose respect.

In other words.. What I'm trying to say is that if you loved him, him cheating on you would tear you apart. Maybe not with all people- well. I should say no one reacts the same. But... My point of typing this 'bullshit' is to reply to your question. In my eyes love is worth it- if someone has the ability to make you happy- despite what they do so long as you can TRUELY forgive them, and feel no doubt about that forgiving- then why is it bad? Yes- you'll have moments that may make you feel like it's not worth it; not one person is perfect. But with that one special person (which is near impossible to find) everything will seem like it was training.

Dating at your age is like.. Training yourself. Finding out what you like, what you don't like, which personalities you perfer, etc. I shouldn't be in my final relationship at the age of 18. But I've committed myself. I have been together with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months- (which is my own personal record- no guy has lasted more than 2 months with me. I got bored... fast) 15 months- and not once out of all of those days of being together have I ever thought once that it would be easier without him. Instead, I've thought compeltely the opposite. Things haven't been perfect- the second year of being together is the REAL test. It's the stage where things settle, moods set in and the real personality shines. But if you can love him/her the same as the first week, or even feel more (like I feel).... Then it is worth every second of disappointment, anger or sorrow.

Because a year of happiness with someone who isn't perfect is better than a year being alone, swallowing yourself in self pity. To me, that is. Some people just perfer to be alone.

[Kota]

I hope it makes sense- I know what I mean. xD;;

[Snow™]

Hmm.
Thanks. That was actually the first...
Explaination thinger that I actually agree with.
And I'm VERY hardheaded. :]
I have new stuff to tell everyone in my next thing. But I have to like.
Get off now. So I'll post it laters. D: